Tuesday, November 16, 2010

An attempted breath

I had gone to see the Doctor, and thank god I did. He diagnosed me with postpartum depression. I had already figured this would be the diagnosis, but my family didn't seem to think it would be, but I'm glad I went with my gut instinct.
For the past few months now I've been thinking that this may be what it is, and that I should go see a doctor. I waited so long in going because my family would always manage to talk me out of seeing someone. I know it may sound selfish or a little high expectantly of me, but I was really counting on my family, my mom and fiance in particular, to see that something wasn't right anymore and to talk me INTO seeing a doctor. I wasn't expecting or thinking that I had to be the only one paying attention to the warning signs, I was really counting on them to see it all before me, and get me in for the help I needed sooner. I feel let down by them actually. These past few months could have been a lot better, a LOT better if only my loved ones had stepped up to the plate and listened to me and saw the signs, and instead of telling me nothings wrong and talking me out of seeing the doctor, they should have offered to go with me to see someone.
So far I've been on the medication for 2 weeks now. I kind of feel different but nothing too drastic. It does take about 2-6 weeks for any actually changes to happen, so I'm going to hold out and hope for the best.
My fiance is supportive, to an extent. He's fine with the diagnosis, he isn't worried to leave us alone or anything, but he doesn't seem to concerned about my emotional state with certain things. See his mother doesn't like me, and after all the horrible things she's done to me I gotta say I'm not too fond of her, so she doesn't see my son very often, which I personally think is best for our family. My fiance wanted to set up a time this month for his folks to come over and see our son, and I just said to him that  I have no problem setting something up but that this month was not good for me emotionally, with everything that's happened, I wanted no extra emotional bumps. He didn't listen. He tells me yesterday that he has made plans with his mom to come over this Thursday. I don't even know what to say to him. Since the diagnosis I have weekly doctors appointments and on Thursday's I go to the postpartum depression support group. so this month really isn't good, and I don't like how it feels like he's tossed my emotional well being to the side, in favour of catering to his mother.
I was just really hoping that after how the beginning of the month went, I'd have a chance to relax the rest of the month and catch a breath.

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